


For as Long as I Can, I Promise.

by SilvertonguedClotpole



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bobby Nash Being a Dad, Buck/Eddie hinted at, Christopher is a Sweetheart, Do Not Share To Another Site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Firefam Feels, Hurt/Comfort, In-line with 3x17/3x18, Past Abby/Buck, Past Relationship(s), Post 3x16, Protective 118, Sad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Self-Esteem Issues, do not copy to another site
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:15:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23949727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilvertonguedClotpole/pseuds/SilvertonguedClotpole
Summary: Set post 3x18 (going by info/trailer, so assumptions & canon-divergence used). After the train crash, Buck and Abby once again part ways, a huge sense of déjà vu playing for Buck. He's saying goodbye. Again. He's being left. Again. But this time it's different, he is ready to say goodbye to Abby, he accepts it. This time it is different, for he never expected to find his station, his family, waiting to comfort him."And for as long as I can, I promise you I won’t let you get left behind.”
Comments: 6
Kudos: 85





	For as Long as I Can, I Promise.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been in the FanFic game for years and titles and tags never get any damn easier!! (Please help me add tags if needed!)
> 
> Hopefully not many of you have been turned off by the 'Abby/Buck' hints, but I promise it is talk of their past relationship and a now mutual respected friendship (but, on the other hand, if you liked their ship, I hope it's as sweet as I tried to make it.) Of course I've just come up with this from what I've read and seen regarding the final episodes (so if you're trying to steer clear of potential spoilers or hints, you may find some very basic ones here.)  
> No beta, written within a few hours so I apologise for any issues/mistakes.

This was déjà vu. He knew this was coming, had known since he and Abby spoke earlier that day, but it didn’t stop the pit from opening in his stomach and swallowing him whole. He’d tried to prepare, tried to accept it, but it was just another addition to his growing list of lost loved ones.

_“.... I’m not staying Buck.”_

_Buck paused, his words cut off instantly. “Oh.”_

_“I just came for, well, to finalise everything. To sell my apartment and move all my things. To, to properly say goodbye to this life and everyone I left behind.”_ Left, _that damned word! How Buck despised it, and even more so now._

 _He knew he and Abby weren’t going anywhere, he had realised that the moments he had with her on the train. Hell, even the moment he first saw her again he had known that yeah he was finally accepting of everything they had once had._ Once! _He loved her still, he would always be grateful for what she brought into his life, how she helped him grow, he would always care for her and worry about her. But she was no longer his. All he wanted to do was hold her and make sure she was happy, and that was all._

_“I’m leaving this evening. Got a flight booked for 7.”_

_“I’ll have finished shift by then, I can drive you, drop you off. If you like?”_

_She smiled at him as she rubbed a gentle thumb over his hand. “Yeah. I’d love that.”_

The whole drive he has been preparing himself, knowing that no matter how much he persuaded himself it was all meant to be, he still couldn’t shake the thought of losing another person. Or..the same person, twice. At least on this occasion he knew she wasn’t coming back. He wouldn’t be waiting for her and not letting himself move on. No longer the ghost in her apartment.

They had closure.

 _He_ had closure. And that should make saying goodbye easier. Right?

“Ok. You got everything? Not left your sunglasses in my car have you?” He smiled at her at the entrance to the airport.

She laughed back, her hair falling into her face in a way he used to love. “Nope, got it all. Sunglasses included.”

“Good.” Buck stopped and looked at the doors ahead of him. _It stops here, you don’t go through._ “Well... Good luck.”

“You can come in if you like. Sit with me a while?”

Buck shook his head, if he sat in the airport he was scared he’d never get up again, would just sit staring at the boarding terminal. “Nah. I’m pretty beat, I’d only be yawning at you.”

Abby looked sad for a moment, regretful almost, but then she lifted a hand to his face and gently rubbed his cheek. “You are a beautiful man Evan Buckley.”

He didn’t dare speak, the breath had been stolen from his lungs and his eyes prickled with tears. So Abby continued. “I want you to know how grateful I am for everything we had. For _you!_ I won’t ever forget you Buck. You made me feel love like I hadn’t in years, you made me happy when everything around me was crumbling. I hate to leave you but I have to go, and I know I’m leaving you with people who love you just as I do. If not more.”

Buck internally scoffed. _Do they?_

“I’m glad you have your sister again now, and I adore how close you and Carla grew. And what you have with that Eddie and his son Christopher...that’s something special!” She spoke with a tender tone, but her lips quirked and eyes shone a little brighter as she spoke of Christopher and Eddie. Buck just smiled. “You are so special Buck, never think anything different.”

A tear fell down his cheek and she brushed it away. When he finally allowed himself to speak he did so with a tight throat. “You mean so much to me Abby, thank you. Go. Be your best self and live.”

She rose slightly to give him a final kiss to the lips, a soft and affectionate gesture but nothing more. When she pulled away she brushed her forehead onto Buck’s. “And you. Remember to do that, for me. Live. Love...Laugh.”

He did, he laughed, letting it wash away the tears. “That’s good, you should patent that! Put it on a sign or something.”

“I shall! I’ll be a millionaire. Maybe switch the words around a bit.”

Their fingers were still entwined as she pulled away one last time, both of their smiles faltering. “Stay safe. And keep in touch.”

“A firefighter is telling _me_ to be safe?”

“Hey! I know what trouble the public can get into better than anyone!”

Abby smiled and nodded. “But yes, I will, I promise. And no trains for a while either.” Buck laughed at the most recent memory of their time together. “You stay safe too Buck. I don’t want to be seeing anymore footage of you under a truck.”

_“All passengers for flight AC8456 to Canada due to take off at nineteen hundred hours please make your way to the boarding gates.”_

Abby pointed behind her. “Well, that’s me.”

Buck nodded again and gave her a final kiss on the cheek. “Bye Abby.”

“Bye Buck.”

Déjà vu returned once again as she took up her trolley of luggage and walked away from him through the doors and deep into the airport, quickly swallowed up by the masses of bodies all running to their own gates.

His eyes stung with tears and he stood there a moment just trying to gather himself. He raised his face to the sky and felt a teardrop roll down his cheek before taking a deep breath and turning away. As he walked forward he noticed a group of people stood close by.

A second to register.

And he stopped.

“Wh...what are you guys doing here?”

There, before him, was the 118. Was Maddie. Was Christopher. Was Athena. Was his family.

Maddie took a step forward and brought him into her arms. “Are you ok?” She whispered only for him to hear. He hummed a half hearted confirmation for her and buried his face in her neck making her squeeze tighter.

When they pulled away, Bobby put a hand on his shoulder. “Maddie said you might need us tonight. Plus, we’ve all had some hectic days recently so how about we just crash in front of a much too large TV screen and eat until we pass out? All of us.”

The younger firefighter looked around the group through hazy eyes. They all smiled back at him.

“But...why?” Even he knew how small and broken his voice was when he turned his attention back on Bobby.

His Captain’s smile fell, a look of serious unsettlement crossing his features and a small part of Buck, deep down (though maybe not as deep down as it should be) expected the man to take back his offer and realise his mistake. Why would they want him!?! But instead, Bobby’s voice was just as sad. “Because we want to Buck. We know how important it is to be together when things get rough with work, and with home lives. The whole team needs each other, and that includes you. And we’re all aware how Abby leaving would hit you and we want to make sure you’re ok.”

Bobby paused, his eyes boring into Buck’s, steadfast and serious. “Because you _matter._ Because you are _important._ ”

Buck’s breath caught in his throat and he had to take a second to stop himself from losing himself in Bobby’s arms. The hold grew stronger on his biceps and he felt Maddie stroking his back.

“Maddie told me you feel lost and lonely sometimes and I’m sorry I never saw that. And I’m sorry I was one to add to that.” The man was speaking low again, not letting the group hear his words and Buck was grateful not every one of his insecurities was out for the world to know. He’d tell them, in time. “What I did was wrong and I need you to tell me how I can make up for it all... But right now, we’re all going to make sure each one of us knows they will never be sidelined or left to deal with things on their own. But, saying that, we all need to remember to ask for help. Remember? Help. I said it, some of those goons behind me have sort of said it...”

Bobby tapered off but never let go of Buck, who was extremely grateful for the contact.

“You ok hon?” Athena spoke.

“Should you be out here? Aren’t you meant to be resting?” The 118 may have had their struggles recently, but Athena had also had her own confrontations within her job and they’d left her a little worse for wear.

“Don't change the subject Buckaroo. But I’m good, nothing a bit of hot chocolate and Buck snuggles won’t fix later.”

“Oh! Don’t think you’re baggsying him all night, he gives out the best hugs...don’t tell Karen I said that though.” Hen laughed as she tucked her arm into Athena’s.

“So, you- you want me there?”

Eddie tutted and gave him a loving clip around the ear. “Idiota.”

Buck turned to him. “Is that meant to make me feel better? Hitting me and calling me names?”

“Depends where he’s hitting you and what names he’s calling you.” Chim winked as he chewed his gum and he and Hen high fived as they laughed at their, seemingly, inside joke.

Bobby, ever the serious one and voice of reason, pushed past the jokes and once again looked Buck squarely in the eye. “I never allowed myself to say this before, with _any_ team I’ve worked with because once you say it it’s out there and bound to come back round and bite you in the ass, but...” Bobby stopped, mulling over his words. “I love you. And I am so unbelievably proud of you. Of everything you do within the job and out of it. I am proud of _you_ Buck and you mean so much to me and to this crew. I love you, son. And for as long as I can, I promise you I won’t let you get left behind.”

The words were the final straw, they broke Buck’s barriers and he crumpled into his Captain’s arms. Bobby shushed him and rubbed at the back of his head, sending tingles up and down his spine. The crew came in as one and all made sure they were holding on to some part of their friend, proving they were there. Now and for as long as life allowed.

Chris was in Eddie’s arms and body flopped onto Buck’s back as his dad leaned in from behind to comfort his friend, the young man’s breath tickling the fine hairs on Buck’s neck. “Nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten.”

Buck groaned into Bobby’s shoulder as he cried harder, his voice rough as he whined, “Superman!!” The words adding to his emotions, going the extra mile for angst central.

After a while the group broke apart and Buck tried to slow down the unbid, betraying tears that still fell.

Eddie clapped him on the back, the hand staying in place and squeezing lightly. “So...pizzas? Or Chinese? And we best start choosing films now or it’ll be midnight by the time we decide.”

It was quickly decided to meet at Eddie’s, given Christopher had to be up the next day to go to school, and there would be enough room for the usual stragglers to stay if they wanted to- Bobby and Athena would leave first, especially given Athena’s need for rest, and often Chim and Maddie would choose to go home together, though Chim sometimes stayed if Maddie had a shift. Hen regularly left to be with her family but it had been known for her to fall asleep anyway and it ended with Buck or Bobby messaging an apology to Karen, with an adorable picture to try and ease the tension. And of course, Buck always stayed! Eddie and Chris drove with Buck in his car, leaving the rest to ride with Bobby or Hen, and he couldn’t help but think how right it felt. How right _he_ felt.

Buck had said goodbye- farewell- to one part of his life today, but the main feature was still growing and he had a lot to look forward to.

Just as with any home life there were bound to be ups and downs, laughter and tears, anger and comfort, but that just helped make certain he knew he was in the right place. He wanted to try, to fight for this family unlike any he had before.

He was home.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I love the entire FireFam (Grant's/Wilson's included!) but I always tend to fall for protective Bobby moments. I feel like I leave the rest of the guys out a lot, except for the odd line, and I really don't mean to because I love ALL of their interactions. 
> 
> (I had a quick google over flight numbers, but literally 30 seconds so my bad if that's totally stupid info I've ended up with. I saw AC was Air Canada and left it at that.)  
> And yes that is another Disney quote used (if you've read 'The Future is Brighter Than Any Flashback' you'll know I used Disney quotes in there too), and I'm kind of sorry not sorry but Buck and Chris totally watch them together- plus, it's canon with the Dory quote in 3x02! 
> 
> -and yeah, watching the promo, I'm a little worried for Athena! :/


End file.
